UNKNOWN WISHES

     For many families, planning for funerals is not a subject that comes up easily.  Many people die unexpectedly, making the subject academic.  The question then is what kind of a funeral should a person choose when the last wishes of the deceased are not known?
     Communication can be the key.  Discuss the matter with friends and relatives.  Perhaps someone does recall the deceased having made some comments, even humorous, about the kind of funeral and interment he or she would have liked.
     What were the tastes and tendencies of the deceased?  Would he or she have wanted a lavish funeral?  Would he or she have enjoyed having many people attend or just a few close friends?  Would flowers be appropriate?  How about religious conviction and affiliation?  Then make your decision as best you can, based on your knowledge of the deceased, and let the matter rest without guilt or second thoughts.

EVENTUALLY PAIN WILL EASE

     Sometimes the loss of a loved one can bring most overwhelming pain, the kind that can barely be endured.  It may seem impossible to ever really recover from that loss, and yet most people do.  Unless the grief becomes pathological or obsessive, somehow it does abate.  No matter how intense, no matter how many mornings one wakes up feeling as depressed as the day before, time will come when the pain eases.
     Of course, the sadness never disappears entirely, not if the person was much cherished.  It is hard to imagine the parents of a deceased child ever ceasing to feel sorrow for their loss.  It is hard to imagine how the survivor of a happy marriage could ever stop missing the lost mate, no matter how many years they are separated by death.  Most of us, however, do come to terms with bereavement pain and do reach an ACCOMMODATION with grief.  We may never forget the loss, but we can recall it with some equanimity.